you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
