i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
