1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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