I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
