I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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