Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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