I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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