Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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