so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
