We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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