I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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