This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
