smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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