oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
