Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
