Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
