shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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