First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She needs sedatives and a leash
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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