no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
