How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
