You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
