all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
