He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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