I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
