I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
