I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
