I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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