My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
