Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
