Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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