I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
