So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
BRING THE BAGELS
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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