just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
