one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
