yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
