This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
