I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
