There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
