fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Girls should come with a carfax report
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
