i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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