She said her name was "party"
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
