another moral hangover. fuck.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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