You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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