i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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