1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
