I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
