I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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