Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
