I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
