the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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