it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
