Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
