I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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